You create your mood & you can change it. No one else can experience your feelings in the same way that you do. An implication of this fact is that you have to be responsible for your feelings. They’re not happening to anyone else.

EAR-Identity is a strategy to be in control of your emotions. When your EAR—Identity consistently responds with right behavior, neither as reactive nor avoidant but a good balance of the two, people will develop trust in you and approach you as someone who is approachable, predictable and a mentor.

How do you stop that critical “chatter box” that goes on inside your head? The “inner voice” is the indicator of lowered self-esteem. We need to learn how to manage it.

Everyone has an inner voice. It is the conversation you have with yourself, in order to make decisions or to discern between pain and pleasure.

Strategies to manage your self-esteem include: 1) Catch it and challenge it, 2) Unpack your black brain, 3) Revise negative thinking, and 4) Find a corresponding strength.

The 4-Step cognitive framework is a process for helping you manage your response after an emotional event by enabling you to reframe your appraisal of that event so that you achieve a better response or behavior.

The skill of self-soothing is about knowing how to calm yourself down when you are all worked up. We forget how to do this in times of stress and often expect others, especially our spouse, to do it for us! To self soothe, unpack your black brain to calm down your body.

Change is a process, a movement from one state to another. The change process requires that we give up these conditioned responses and step into reality where emotions are fully experienced in the present.

Everything in life is about what you feel. Most importantly, what you feel about yourself—your esteem—determines if you have got your inner voice in check and whether or not you are happy, fulfilled and successful in your life and marriage.

Recommended Resources & Experts. Brené Brown gives a unique take on vulnerability and low self-esteem. 

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